To Keep Living
by MySarcasticGreenCrayon
Summary: A series of 10 interconnected one-shots about Draco and Astoria. It begins before the Astronomy Tower in HBP and goes to after the Final Battle. Some are angsty, some sweet and some just introspective. Read and review please! COMPLETE!
1. Character

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. Also, the prompts came from my high school Creative Writing class.  
_

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!  
_

Prompt: Character

* * *

The fact was that he no longer wanted to do it. He was scared and sick. If he were to tell anyone that, he would be sneered at and thought of as weak. He didn't want to be weak. He wanted to be strong. But how could he be when he had no strength to go through with it? Every time he thought of his task, he wanted to vomit.

As he stared at his surroundings, he felt a sense of unease. He knew he was no longer alone. But who was with him he did not know. He could feel their presence. It was not oppressive or even evil. It was, almost, calming. With that thought, he stifled a laugh. Calming. What did he know of calm? Nothing. Not anymore. As a child, he loved calm and the comfort of his parent's study as they all sat by the fire. Now…now that was nothing more than a memory. A sad and melancholy memory.

Finally, the other presence spoke.

"Why are you out here? Shouldn't you be inside, gloating?"

His answer was to turn and look at her. His eyes were cold and blank. Hers were warm and concerned. He could not stand it.

"No." Was his simple answer.

"Given your previous character, I would have assumed—"

"Never assume." Was his harsh reply.

"Fine. Stay out here. Perhaps I was wrong." Her quiet reply made him want to cry. He could even feel the weak sting of tears.

"Perhaps you were." He looked away from her.

There was silence. He never heard her leave, but perhaps she had slipped away.

"I was wrong. You do have character. A strong one."

He heard her leave. Finally, he let the tears fall.

* * *

Word count: 291

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	2. Shadows

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Shadows

* * *

The shadows were always there. They never disappeared anymore. They were overbearing; they were unbearable. He wanted them to just disappear. He wanted to disappear.

The fact was that the thought of the shadows called to him. Their call was a siren call—seductive. But what would be the point? Perhaps, perhaps the point would be that he would no longer exist. Did he want that?

Yes.

No.

No, he didn't. Too many people had ceased to exist and he was not going to weaken and disappear. He had found his strength. The source of it was still unclear to him, but he had found his strength.

He would do his best to go through with what he had been commanded to do. Such a strong word: commanded. It left little choice.

As he sat, he saw her. His presence went unnoticed, but he could not ignore hers. She did not light up the room, but the darkness receded with her. It slowly drew away.

Maybe—no, he couldn't think that way.

Yet he could. He could sit and contemplate this newfound strength. Perhaps, she was the reason. If she was, that was…fine. He had no time to think it through at the moment, though.

Maybe, though, if she was the reason, she was a good reason. Because with her, the shadows receded. He could hold onto that through any darkness.

* * *

Word count: 231

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	3. Sunset

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Sunset

* * *

The sunset was blood red. He had no idea what that meant. When he saw it, his heart seized and he felt all of his doubts come rushing back. How could he do what he had to do, when it would do nothing but bring ugliness to the world? He wanted beauty, he realized. Beauty and a peaceful existence. He wanted to be…happy.

Happy. Such a foreign word to him. He had been calm, content with his life, but never truly happy. Never had he felt so strongly about something that he knew it would be enough for him to exist.

Wasn't that hilarious? Existence based on something—one thing—that made him happy. That was weak; everyone told him so. And yet. And yet he could not get rid of the thought. Happiness.

As he slowly walked away, he realized that he would never find that happiness. It would be forever out of his reach. He existed in nothing but the evil and the dark.

As he took the last step to his destination, he turned again to the sunset. It was the cold blue-grey of dusk. A harsh, sarcastic laugh sounded. It even felt rusty in his throat.

What a stupid idea: happiness. It could not exist. Not for him.

* * *

Word count: 212

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	4. Driven

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Driven

* * *

He was driven to complete his task. He no longer had any choice. He had to do it. The choice to no longer do it was not an option. They were all looking at him. All of them.

He could feel their eyes, burning into him. He could feel their excitement and their impatience. The one in front of him, though, he could feel his compassion. And he wanted to laugh.

He wanted to cry.

He wanted to just disappear.

None were an option.

He raised his arm. He was going to do it.

And then, he couldn't. He thought of the compassionate eyes, the voice and the fact that she took away shadows. He thought of the sunset. And he knew he could not do it.

He lowered his arm.

It was done anyway. To not have done it would have been to assign him to death. Having it done—that assigned him to something worse.

A non-existence.

* * *

Word count: 159

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	5. Ancient

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Ancient

* * *

There was weeping. There was grieving. Even though he was not there, he could feel it. He could imagine her eyes. There would be condemnation. There would probably even be hate. That, he discovered, was something he could not stand.

"Do you doubt that you made the right choice?"

Did he? He wasn't sure.

"There was no choice for you."

He met the black eyes. The two were alone. There was no one else around them. Finally, he could break.

"There was a choice. I was just too weak to make it. I was too weak to even go through with it…in the end."

"We all have choices. Think on that." The man walked away. Leaving him completely alone.

He felt…ancient. Breakable. He felt…sad.

He wanted to cry. The tears would not come. He was beyond grief.

Grief. That was ancient. Who could feel grief anymore? No one, he was sure. Except, perhaps, her. Her eyes held grief at times. A deep grief that made him think that she knew what he had to do.

_Had_. That was the word. _Commanded_. _Driven_.

Words he no longer wanted to acknowledge. Words he no longer wanted to use. He wanted happiness. She was his only choice. Her compassion. Her judgment. Perhaps, she hadn't been completely wrong about him that night. Perhaps she had been right.

He was no longer going to accept his fate. He was going to take charge. People were doing it; they had done it forever.

He had a choice. Finally, he made it.

* * *

Word count: 254

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	6. Resistance

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Resistance

* * *

In her eyes, he saw resistance. As she stood across from him, he felt her resistance.

"Why?" With that one word, she condemned him.

"You would not understand." With that one word, he condemned himself. To an endless and unhappy life.

"I would have tried." Her eyes were soft now. With tears just at the edges.

He could not weaken, not yet. He still had one last try. If that did not succeed, he would either end or he would have a chance.

If he gave into her now, they were both condemned. He couldn't stand it if she was destroyed because of him. Because, behind the softness and tears, behind the resistance, he saw her happiness and her compassion.

It was so long ago that she told him she was not wrong in her judgment. So long ago that he realized that she could rid him of shadows and so long since he had condemned himself to his life of unhappiness.

He wanted, more than anything, to collapse into her arms. They would come around him. They would be soft, giving, welcoming. They would be his salvation.

Until he could take that salvation, he had to stand strong.

"You should not try. Not…not now." He stared at her. Waiting for her to realize what he meant. Hope was not lost. Please, wait for me.

Her eyes blanked. "When?"

"I—I don't know."

"Forever?" With that word, he felt his heart crack. She could break it—could break him. He had to continue to resist.

"I don't know."

They stared at each other. He wanted to hold her. He wanted her to come to him. He could have neither. At least, not yet.

She nodded. One last time their eyes met. She nodded again, smiled and left.

* * *

Word Count: 297

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	7. Shining

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Shining

* * *

The sun was not shining. The light was dismal and grey. It held no warmth any longer.

He sat and looked out a window. It reflected his face back at him.

With reluctance, he examined himself. Gaunt, his grey eyes—funnily enough, the color of the sky—were bruised. His hair…it was no longer shining either. He looked like a dismal copy of himself.

As he sat, he thought. He had done that quite a bit lately.

Thought, contemplated…wondered.

His life was no longer what he thought he had desired.

He had a new dream now. It was to be happy. It was to be happy with her.

In his dream, the sun shined down. The grass was as green as her eyes. She held out her arms to him, waiting. With a burst of joy, he stepped into them. Their lips met. When they pulled apart, her face was shining. With love. Love for him.

In his dream, they loved and were happy.

He was going to have that dream. He knew it.

* * *

Word count: 174

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	8. Roses

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Roses

* * *

What he saw made him sick. This time, he did vomit.

All that was left was blood and gore of many people he had known. What made him grieve was to find the man dressed in black in a pool of blood the color of roses. He knew he had made the right choice. He had made the same choice as the man; he had chosen good…not evil.

After the tears ebbed, he left the man. Someone would take care of it. He would see to it. But right now, he had to find her.

He searched high and low. He had left his parents where they were and had gone to find her. He was not going to stop until he did.

He went into the castle and watched as people shied away from him. It no longer mattered. His only desire was to find her.

When he saw her, he saw that she was bleeding. Her blood was the color of roses.

He felt faint; he felt weak. But when she looked at him, she smiled. It was small and slight, but it was welcoming. He felt something bloom in his chest, but he did not recognize it.

She held her hand out to him, ignoring everyone around them.

He walked toward her—slowly. He could no longer rush. Everything needed time.

When he reached her she took his hand.

"You found me."

He felt himself smile. It was small and more in his eyes than on his lips.

"I found you." His voice was foreign to him.

"I was right about you."

Her eyes…they twinkled. And even though he felt this pressing grief, the thing that bloomed in his chest he thought that it might be happiness.

"You were right about me." He kissed her.

* * *

Word count: 298

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	9. Innocence

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Innocence

* * *

Sometime, her innocence surprised him. Throughout the aftermath, she stood by him. She never questioned who he was. To her he was good. And that was all that mattered to him.

People reviled him for his part in everything. But he fought for the clearance of Severus Snape's name more than he fought for himself. Some people realized that, through it all, while he might not have had any innocence, he was innocent.

To judge him was to judge themselves.

He tried to forgive. He found, in some instances, he could not.

In the end, he had been found innocent. But unlike others, he was still punished. When she would have fought for him, he took her hand and said the only thing that mattered to him was her.

She cried. When he held her, he realized that it did not matter that some found him weak. He had made his choice. He had been driven to do what he did. But now, he could enjoy sunsets and the shadows that had haunted him were slowly dying.

Time, he knew, he healed everything.

And when they married, he thought he could never be happier.

But he would be. Because he would always be happy with her. No matter what. Love was the greatest happiness.

* * *

Word count: 214

_Read, review and then have fun!_


	10. Imagination

**To Keep Living**

_AN: So, these are a series of connected drabbles that are about Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. While there is no timeline, it starts somewhere before the events of the Astronomy Tower in HBP. _

_These were written to keep my focused on my new fic I'm working on and to clear my mind for final exams. I hope you find them interesting!_

Prompt: Imagination

* * *

His wife had an amazing imagination. With her eyes the color of a dreamy green sea and her hair as dark as his was light, there were times she resembled a sprite. Happy and laughing all the time.

She glowed.

He found that he too had an imagination. He could imagine their child. The baby would look like her. The baby would never have to go through what he did. Because he had made his choice and fought against the evil.

When their baby had been born he was so happy.

"He looks like you, Draco." His wife's tired face was resplendent with joy.

And that was true. Baby Scorpius Malfoy resembled his father in looks.

"But he is like you in everything else." And that was true too.

His son's eyes sparkled the same way his mother's did.

He was truly happy.

"Astoria."

His utterance of her name made her turn back from the nursery where she was taking the baby.

"Yes?" Her eyes were warm and a little concerned. He found he could handle it.

His eyes were warm and happy. When one looked into them they could only see a never-ending well of joy and love.

"I love you."

"I assumed so."

The sound of his laughter followed her out of the room.

And so, one chapter of his life ended. It wasn't happy. It was dark and shadowy. It did nothing but make him miserable.

This new chapter. It was when he had his salvation.

* * *

Word count: 249

_Read, review and then have fun!_


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